Let's Take it to the Next Level

                First dates are always a little awkward; it’s like testing the waters – a make-or-break situation where it can be a stepping stone to something wonderful, or a horrible and rejecting slap in the face. Phineas Mollod and Jason Tesauro, who call themselves “The Modern Gentlemen”,  say that you’ve got to “…pepper your date with Oxytocin-inducing moments throughout to ensure a fairytale-worthy goodnight kiss later..”. Oxytocin is induced during hugging and intimate touch (which seems rather hard to do across the dinner table, but anyway…), as well as when things get a little more… intense. Of course first kisses are a different story – apparently, they’re supposed to be foot-popping (according to Princess Diaries), butterflies in the stomach, movie ending-worthy, blah blah – you get it. Bottom line is that moment when your lips touch you’re supposed to feel all tingly and nice. I don’t know if the same can be said for my all-time favorite author Sylvia Plath and her husband, Ted Hughes. She recalls that at a literary party back in 1956:

"He kissed me bang smash on the mouth and ripped my hair band off, and when he kissed my neck I bit him long and hard on the cheek, and when we came out of the room, blood was running down his face..."

             Of course we know how this love story ended – divorce and her head stuffed in an oven. 

             Physical contact or touch can mean different things, from “I think I’m in love with you” to “Get out of my way, jerk” or even “Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ces soir” if you’re feeling lucky. When it comes to first dates or any effort that will hopefully result in romance, there seems to be an unspoken rule about how physical intimacy progresses as the relationship itself progresses. Of course there has been research (Andersen, 1985; Guerrero & Andersen, 1991; Mehrabian, 1969; in Guerrero & Andersen, 1994) showing that actively engaging in touch increases closeness and attraction and that adapting these nonverbal behaviors to the partner’s preferred style further enhances intimacy and liking. Usually, this touch behavior becomes more similar as the relationship blooms. This is based on how attitude similarity is important for any relationship, especially one that you want to last. On the other end of the spectrum, we have touch avoidance, which is exactly the opposite.

The highest level in any relationship.

            Touch initiation is a little more inconsistent – some studies say that men are the initiators because it indicates dominance (I don’t know if women nowadays agree) and men feel it’s their responsibility; other studies don’t show any sex differences, or that women are the initiators. Guerrero and Andersen (1994) suggest that social control may be predominant in early relationships while intimacy may be most influential in established relationships. Men are found to initiate touch in the early stages, but the job goes to women afterwards because of the need to express intimacy as the relationship progresses. 

            Based on all these, Guerrero and Andersen (1994) hypothesized that the amount of touch is correlated between male and female romantic partners, which is also correlated more highly in marriages than in casual/serious relationships. They also hypothesized that women report more touch avoidance than men, and as mentioned, that men are the touch initiators in casual dating relationships and women in serious/married relationships.

            The methods involved unobtrusive observation of the touch behavior of couples waiting in line for the movies or the zoo. This lasted for two minutes, after which the couples were approached separately in order to administer the questionnaire. Results show that touch behavior is indeed correlational between romantic partners, correlating most highly for married couples and lowest for casually dating partners. On the other hand, touch avoidance was found to be higher for women. Males initiated touch most in casual dating relationships, and least in married relationships; women initiated touch most when married, and least in casual relationships. It’s important to note that there’s actually a progression, meaning that matching touch behavior between partners increases as a function of the relationship stage. 

But, in addition to these, the researchers found that although matching does increase on the way to marriage, touch display most likely decreases as well. Highest touch frequency is found in serious relationships to “escalate intimacy and display bondedness”. No sex differences were seen in touch initiation for serious relationships.

Although the study does seem rather intriguing, it has a few loopholes that may have compromised the results. Sampling wasn’t very well planned; even if the observers did undergo training, what might seem to be touch behavior may be entirely something else (e.g. touch that isn’t at all sprinkled with romance). There’s also a thin line between touch reciprocity and initiation, and touch itself is very contextual. And what makes a relationship a serious one? Is it the length or something else? Operational definitions would have been a good addition to the study.

           But then again, is the study only telling us something we already know? Or is this hindsight bias, maybe? It’s true what they say, though: getting married takes away all the fun. 

But I guess some people have all the fun.

They just don't care.

 References:

Guerrero, L. & Andersen, P. (1994). Patterns of Matching and Initiation: Touch Behavior and Touch Avoidance Acroos Romantic Relationship Stages. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 18(2), 137-151.

http://www.match.com/magazine/article0.aspx?articleid=12220